Sunday, August 16, 2009

Nakedness!!!

What if someone told you that s/he never ever got naked? AT ALL!!!!! What would your reaction be? I can imagine the awkward silence, the sidelong glance, the subtle but swift shuffle to the side, the questions in your head about that individual's sanity. I can see you thinking, "You mean you never get naked? At all!! What a weirdo. There's something clearly wrong with this picture."

Well folks, I have a cofession to make : that person is me. I don't like to get naked....at all. Nakedness is the ultimate form of openness; it is transparency; it is the state of letting it all hang out and well....I can't do that. I'm too much in control to do that. I' too "strong" for that. Who? Me? Vulnerable? Are you kidding me? You must've been smoking some of that good stuff.

Unfortunately, God has been dealing with my lack of nakedness. He has poked me again and again and has even DARED to tear at bits and pieces of my clothing. What the heck is He doing? Why does He want me to stand nude before the world and reveal my flaws and shame? Never that!! Yet, God told me something new today. He asked me what happens when people take a shower with clothes on. Do they really get clean? Are they truly washed and purified? The answer is of course, "No". To take a proper shower, to be made clean, whole and fresh, we must all be naked.

The nakedness I speak of is not physical , it is emotional and spiritual. I have always been the girl with armor on-with the need to look in control, to share only the strengths, to be strong for everybody else. Now, God is leading me to a new place. Scratch that...it's past leading now, He's yanking me. I think He thinks I've taken too long. He wants me to be naked, open and transparent so that He can use me, so that He can heal me,so that He can transform me, so that He can love me, so that I can be truly loved. God is calling me to bare my heart and soul, to share my flaws, fears and weaknesses, to speak of my passions, to unlock myself and throw away the key and I. am. afraid. I have NEVER done this before. What if I'm not accepted? What if I stand naked and I am too much or too little or both? What if I am too passionate? Too "Christian"? Too stubborn? Not edgy enough? Just not woman enough?

As the "What ifs" play this song and dance in my head, I remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I remember that He chose me before I was born. I remember that because He truly SHOWED me a little over 2 years ago, I am enough-nay, I am more than enough. I am perfect just the way I am. And guess what, I am going to try. As I throw my shirt to the wind, unzip my pants and slip them past my feet; as I feel the cold wind reminding me that I stand with no covering, I'll be forced to rely on His words and to learn what He meant when He told me He had set me free. I'll be a much better friend, a much better sister, a much better Christian and a much better girlfriend (because my journey with "him" is what has escalated this whole push any way).

I invite you and you and you, to dare to stand naked with me because vulnerability is truly a gift. I intend to receive it as should you.

John 11:44: "And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go."

1 comment:

F and M said...

I identify wholeheartedly with this post because I don't just dislike being naked... I abhor it with all my being... The idea of having nothing to cover your flaws is insanely terrifying. The fear of physical nudity is obviously a symptom of a more psychological issue, I guess, like u mentioned... May God give us all the strength to love ourselves enough to just let go...